I joined the circus and ran away, like some mad child in a fairytale. Note that I say ‘fairy’ there, I am laughing.
I have been here with these strange people and their monsters for some time now. To begin with I was simply taking care of a friend of mine in her last days. I did not expect her to leave me with her home and the scattered shards of a puzzle that has now pulled me permanently into it's dark web. I do not feel I can leave this place without fixing some important affairs. I certainly will not be leaving without the boy and his creature that have become my only friends here.
Although, when we do leave, would it be wise to take them with me? I will soon enter a dangerous state. A transformation if you like. I do not know what sort of monster I will become, my kind were not built for completing such things solo.
Maybe I have made a terrible mistake in leaving you all behind but I could not find the words for you and I could not bare the thought of holding you back simply because I fell into a trap. One fitful strange humid night.
I have escaped! Or perhaps I have been captured! I know not and care much less! This is a feral new place! I have welcomed this transformation and stepped into an existence so detached from all the hardships I have been living with in these murky days of madness and violence!
What is this?! Who are these creatures? I know they wish to tear me apart, I see into their dreams occasionally. I hear their perverse and sinister thoughts and yet they provide me with my own travelling house and a slave who worships me.
Am I to be prepared for some giant feast? Will they make me a headdress of wild flowers and skewer me ready for roasting?
Ha! I certainly hope they will try!
Do not worry dear friends, I shall return before the snows begin.
But what will I find?
Darling Veronica, please take care of my shop while I am away and make sure that Crow attends school on time and eats something other than rotten road kill.
It has been some time since I have updated here now. I have said this before I am sure, these entries are all very scattered. I was strict with them during my travelling days but then lost my way more recently. No one can blame me, think – I am now in the Dagda lands and there is but one place here where I can update and now I am no longer a member of that household it is hard to find the time to wander up the hill and into the library.
Yes, I am always busy. I opened ‘Material Mushrooms’ in January and we have had a flood of orders coming through ever since. I have had to leave my beloved UndergrounD behind for now but surely when things have calmed down at the shop I will return there.
Recently I have been bothered by dreams that must belong to the life I had when first I was here in this existence. Dreams of faces I should know, conversations I have had and lost, endless travelling. I read today that a circus will be coming to the town and setting up here for a week. This thought fills me with a strange fear and excitement that I am not at all used to but is similar to the emotions I wake up with when I have had those strange dreams. I feel the two things are connected. All lunacy I am sure but I must wander along and see this circus. Perhaps I will do so before they have properly set up. I could watch from the shadows. Yes.
Torne and Julius are still away and send us no news at all. This morning I had breakfast with Aldrusey, hence my appearance in the library, she is pretending not to worry over the whereabouts of her alpha but I can see the pain in her eyes.
I rather like her new friend, Daniel’s mother Promise. She has golden hair and an oddly childish nature at times. She laughs at rather inappropriate moments but so innocently I find myself joining her. Brutus fell down the steep steps into the cellar last week and it was such a nasty fall he was unable to get back up! He stayed there for a few days with a terribly mangled arm. Promise found this to be most delightful news. I agree.
Brutus always put too much salt in his dishes and snapped at me when I had tried to advise him on matters of the kitchen. What a fool.
Creamy Mushroom Soup <3
In a caldron, combine mushrooms, water, chicken bouillon, and onion. Bring to a boil; cover and simmer for 20 minutes. Melt butter in another pan; blend in flour. Slowly add milk; cook, stirring constantly, until thickened. Add sauce to mushrooms and season with salt and pepper.
Damn Julius and all his surreptitious ways. He lied to me. In silence, without a word but he lied all the same. It appears all he wanted was a visit to the house but then I must ask myself why he bothered joining me to travel half-way across the world? Would he not have been better off finding another fool to accept him into The Dagda’s? Would he not have then achieved his goal a whole lot faster?
He made an error by travelling with me. By the time we had all returned his cover had been blown and his game useless.
Ah well, we have moved on already.
I feel as if I spent no time at all at home before we were pushed back outside into hellish times again. I have more to worry about now.
We are off to hide again, or to confuse those who'd like to steal away my beloved partner. Everyone is worried. After such progress (apparently) on the battlefield, that other realm of nothing but dreams has risen out of the night and tricked us yet again.
I am disappointed about Mr. RA's death.....but I sense that, that is not the correct word to be using. 'Death'.
A thought - how terrible would it be to discover him as a new beast all born again and even more vengeful than before? I would be horrified. In fact it is best not to dwell on those thoughts for out here in this god awful place I wouldn't be at all surprised to find him standing in our doorway one night. There are creatures here that....
Yes, it is not worth thinking about.
I have gone off topic for I cannot concentrate at all, my mind is half on what I am saying here and half on the movement in the room next door to me. I suppose it was comforting when I had Julius with me, back before he decided he was actually a man.
I am squinting my eyes angrily at this thought.
I will return to say more another time but now I must return to my Dru and that shack in the city where we will sit in the darkness pretending to listen to the distant music. We both know the truth, that we are really listening out for the strange screeching and clicking noises that give away our latest enemy but neither of us want to admit this to the other for fear of spoiling the fake atmosphere we work so hard to maintain. What is left of our sanity depends on it, we must live in lies because the truth is unbearable. Neither of us enjoy being hunted. My only moment of peace is to be in her arms.
Not long until sundown.
It snows constantly here. Do not ask where ‘here’ is for I have no clues and that is the way that works best at present. We’re on the run but from ...what exactly? It won’t be long now before I am home.
Did I accomplish what I intended to? What was my assignment, I forget?
If we die and enter the eternal race and then are reborn ... our bones remain.
If we die and go to other worlds then our bones remain.
If we die and become Fae then our bones are no more.
Perhaps they’re used as payment. I wonder if it depends upon what court you choose to place your soul in. Seelie? Unseelie? I wonder how long they stay around for. Long enough for a memorial type day? A funeral?
We wanted to summon Dare somehow and we had hoped that there would be a way through her grave but this is not to be.
I wanted to return to my home and see the destruction for myself. The doorway back will not open anymore and those that were left behind have been destroyed. All that remains is a small collection of descendants who have lost their way.
Yes, I think I have done what I came out here to do.
With the exception of defeating LL.
We are lucky that we have a choice of afterlives but I am curious to discover if once you've chosen to be ‘one of them’, do more choices follow or are you simply thrown into whatever is available? I can't imagine they'd let anyone start out with any supremacy or let a soul wander pointlessly. Also, do they all remember where they came from and who they were or is it just a few? Maybe thats another choice. 'Do you want to haunt or not?'. Amusing.
Isn’t it peculiar that my life is back to front? I came from their realm into this one, returned and came back. I remember that when I returned it was not the same as before I left the first time, I was a very simple being only held together by my passionate anger for what had happened to my people and I. So I wonder what became of the others when they died here? I suppose if they were lacking that passion or had given up already then they became weak and were herded away into new courts, jobs, rules, lives and became fresh creatures entirely.
I will never find them again. I have ruined my day with this thought.
How I acquired this miniature army I will never understand. Their sinful minds transformed over the week from a loathing, during which I was fearful I’d be thrown from the world again, to an unconditional loyalty...of sorts. Suspicious sorts. They are of my old blood, my relations, my once upon a time kin. I feel they, at long last, comprehend and have some faith in what I have explained to them over our time spent together, and so they escort me across this ruined countryside on my...mission to experiment with the dead. Although I must say, the mission has already proved unsuccessful due to my failure to find my own earthly remains. Humm, much to consider. How shall I continue? I think it’s time to abort and spend my time here reminiscing only. I wonder if these men will escort me home and sign up with our pack, that will at least mean my time here has not been wasted. Torne’s fatherly lecture will be a little more bearable and my Fox will be less upset that I left her if I bring her a present of extra soldiers. Yes, yes.
And Julius?...Well, he has taken to travelling alone. He scouts ahead and falls behind, never does he join us.
Wash mushrooms, chop stems. Scoop out gills and discard. Combine chopped stems with bread, parmesean cheese, onions, sunflower seeds, parsley flakes, lemon pepper,salt, butter, and vermouth. Pack into mushroom caps. Bake in
pan with a small amount of water for 30 minutes at 325 degrees. Remove
and cover each mushroom with slivers of cheese, then replace in oven until cheese melts.
So much has taken place since last I made notes here.
We reached our destination to find more than what I expected, the village lay in ruin but it was still there...some of it. New buildings have appeared and so I am to understand some of us survived and returned home after that fateful day to carry on as before and rebuild in the wreckage. Only to be torn down a second, third and fourth time.
I found the monument they built for the first who died and beneath it hid whispers of the dead. More than I had hoped for but sadly my task was unable to be carried out for there are ghosts other than ours that haunt that graveyard that was once our home.
Lions. Their own dead among ours. Imagine it if you can. Unthinkable.
This new life of mine was very nearly ended again in that graveyard but I was saved by Julius from this fate, only to have him throw me straight into another. Horsemen appeared on the dusty track.
I have found the last remaining few who share the blood I once had in another lifetime entirely.
I’m perfectly safe for now. Will email all.
As for Julius...he watches me from the same glowing eyes as before, as if things have not changed between us. As if I don’t know he isn’t at all what he seems.
There is some sort of civilisation here after all, here on the other side of the waters. We have evaded both enemies and successfully reached check point one. It was most treacherous and I have decided not to be so stubborn with regards to my original plans being completely undisclosed. (If you care to check the library you will be able to find on my usual shelf a small book entitled ‘The peril’s of Annwn’, in my reds collection, it is forged obviously and inside are a few of my jottings.) Just for safety reasons.
Julius has been acting remarkably unusual of late. At night he sits and watches me and when I wake in the morning he is still there, as if he hasn’t moved at all. I am beginning to find him particularly unnerving.
No sign at all of the lady in black and white, this is not such good news. How ever will I find her again when the time comes that I need her? In a few hours we will set sail and then I believe we will be out of touch with you all for some time. Who knows how long for or in fact if that will happen at all. The ship is a good one and the captain friendly enough but lets think of possible problems here before I congratulate myself at the speed this has all taken place in.
I have heard rumours of a ship that appears at night and then is gone in the daylight. Not so strange a tale really when you hear of unusual ships all the time in these parts…but this particular ship appears in strange places at odd times. It moves too quickly. I have heard words like ‘pirate’ mingled too closely with ‘ghost’. How can two words be mixed and cause fear when it should be nonsense?
Living in this village I suspect they are all suspicious folk but none so much as I and I know the answer to the above question.
There are no pirate ghosts, there are vampires.
This does not look good for myself. I am debating if to leave my companion behind for his own safety.
Leaping from the foliage she hurtled down the hill towards us, her direction and intent was clear until quite suddenly she veered off into the bushes beside the church window and vanished entirely.
We’ve searched everywhere and although I do not like the idea of seeing her ever again...I also do not much like the idea she is loose and running wild in the undergrowth just waiting for her chance to spring upon us again. Gosh it was a terrible sight.
She had red eyes with black surrounding them as if she had been in a battle and suffered a few blows to her face. Her lips were black also and spittle flew from them spurting out in all directions. Her fingers were curled into claw shapes and as she moved she made a hideous shrieking monkey racket.
I have not a clue what kept us so pinned to the ground in a state of wonder and terror. We didn’t move, just stared. It was as if we already knew she wouldn’t come too close and yet I felt certain it wouldn’t be long before her terrible fingers had clasped us both.
Now I am restless and Julius is something beyond that! My problem is that she was part of my secret mission. I wanted to find her and put an end to her horrible ways once and for all so it is strange that she has found us. It is too soon, I had not even thought over how exactly I was going to take action with her and now I must abandon all my other plans that need thought in order for me to work out what we are to do about her.
Oh damnation, this is just terribly frustrating and I am most cross.
I need to speak to someone who has experience with this particular beast.
Darling Russell, please mail me Oliver’s telephone number to my yahoo email address.
To make matters worse Mrs. Thistledorf has taken offence at my inability to eat her delicious meals after she spotted me feeding Julius her best Pheasant Casserole. Curses. We shall have to leave.